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Holiday concert update:

Pros:

1. It's over
2. Every single member of my music department was there and played a significant role
3. My principal was there and raved about it's success on the next morning's announcements
4. I had only 4 kids out of 115 not participate. 2 actually showed up- 1 was out of uniform so he wasn't allowed on stage, 1 was without a cello so he wasn't allowed on stage. 1 girl told me ahead of time, albeit earlier that day, that she wouldn't be there because her family didn't celebrate Christmas and her dad wouldn't let her perform (couldn't tell me that ahead of time???) So only 1 no-show without notice.
5. We performed a full orchestra piece in the 8th grade and it sounded good
6. The Honor's Orchestra learned their carols well and played in the lobby
7. Nothing fell apart, musically speaking (a cello did fall apart, see Cons)
8. I had 3 wonderful high school students come help tune and direct kids- I brought them baked goods the next day.
9. No one died
10. Everyone got picked up on time

Cons:

1. I'm exhausted but can't sleep
2. My principal had to pull some students out of the audience for talking during the 8th grade performances
3. The big combined 7th/8th grade number that we rehearsed really well and that sounded great earlier in the day was really bad- almost the entire back of the orchestra was off by a measure or maybe 2, who knows?
4. Unenthusiastic crowd- makes it seem like nothing sounded good or maybe just not as good as they were expecting?
5. My 7th grade was not good
6. My Honor's Orchestra did really well given they could barely hold their piece together a week before the concert, but they didn't sound great which isn't great advertising for Honor's Orchestra
7. My kids don't practice and they're lazy
8. My kids don't respect their instruments- I returned to my cello rack to find over half the bows still tight, the instruments put back all crooked an every which way, and one cello missing a bridge with a big fat gouge under the tailpiece.
9. There was music left all over the stage that we, the staff, had to clean up
10. There were two basses and 3 bows left on stage
11. No parents approached me and said "Great concert" or anything
12. My kids said I talked too much and their parents said I talked too much.  I didn't talk too much!  I hardly talked at all!

I need some honest feedback!  (Do I?)  I do!  It is making me crazy- I know what my kids and I went through to get to the concert and what we learned and what we will do better next time.  I heard the recording.  But I just haven't heard a musician-outsider's thorough opinion!  It's frustrating because when no one goes into detail about my performances, it makes me paranoid that they just don't want to say anything negative.  Like, so far all anyone has said is, "It was good!  You know, there were some rough spots, but over all it was pretty good."  That is not feedback, people!  I need details!  What was good?  What was rough?  What about it was good, what about it was rough?  The most annoying part about all of this is that I know the answer to these questions and can go into great detail and explanation about them.  I just want someone to talk to me about it, but no one will.  And frankly I don't have many people whose opinions I trust enough to truly discuss with my concert in depth.  And since I already know how the concert went and since everyone I've asked has already told me how things sounded, why do I still need feedback?  Is it feedback or validation that I need?  I don't even know.  I'm so tired...

I just know my friends and family are going to roll their eyes at me and tell me to calm down, I'm being high maintenance and caring about the wrong things.  I know I know I know- didn't you all hear me say I know?  I'm a crazy person.  But you know out of all the space in my brain that is being taken by thinking about this concert, 90% of the space is occupied by items in the Cons list and the tiny 10% of Pros are smushed to the back of my brain, rendered unimportant because no one has told them to me over and over and over...  Seriously, what is up with  my need for validation?  I'm so tired...