Stress

It has been a long couple of weeks.  Last night was my first concert with the middle school kiddos.  Everything went smoothly.  I had a lot of great help- four grown adult music educators and six high school orchestra students.  It was way more than I ever would have asked for, but I am very glad they were all there.  Leading up to the concert I had been in a really horrible fight with one of my colleagues.  It is too personal and just way too much to get into the details, but the stress just wore me down.  And you know, I never really realized what it felt like to be stressed because last year, I was in a constant state of stress, so I never felt not stressed, you know?  I was always tired, I was always drained, I always felt a little down at work.  I thought that was just work.  But this year I've been happy, so when I became stressed, I realized that I was tired and sad and that was no longer normal.  So in a way, it was a good experience!  I was able to recognize that I am capable of being happy and free and that being stressed-out is just temporary.  I will emerge from the stress-cesspool eventually and when that happens, I'll feel better.  Way to look on the bright side of life, hey?

Previous to the stress, I had been sick with the cold from Hell.  I'm not sure if it was one long cold or two to three viruses back to back determined to suck the life from me.  I took two days off, which I hate doing (remember, I have and "attendance unit" attached to my raise which I'll get in three years if I'm lucky...) and I still didn't feel better.  Through it all, my kids proved to be a life source.  I would perch on my podium as the Swamp Beast, dripping with snot, barking raspy orders, banging my baton on the stand and those darling little twerps would chirp around, doing what I said, trying hard, getting better, smiling at me, saying "Thank you for class!" and "Have a good day!" and "I hope you feel better soon!" although that last one might have been a true plea of their own selfish desire for a better classroom atmosphere...

My fight with my colleague slowly built, as girl fights usually do, on little things.  A small explosion lead to a decision for a one-on-one meeting, which ended in tears, which lead to the calling of the principal, which lead to the acquiring of a mediator, which lead to more hurt feelings and stress, which eventually fizzled out and lead to an business relationship and hopefully eventually and understanding between two women.  *sigh*  It all just makes me want to curl up and go to bed.

My concert was good.  The 7th grade has only been playing their instruments for 9 weeks so it was rather demonstration-y.  The 8th grade did a good job.  They performed at the same level that they rehearsed, which is all that a director can hope.  It was a good first concert I think.  I really hope I can sand down the edges of this group.  I feel like I had a rough start with them, what with the trust issues they had up front.  Now that I feel like they're with me, I hope we can keep moving forward.  We'll see, I'm not 100% in love with them yet...

Fall break is around the corner.  I can smell it.  There are a few more hurdles before I get there (grades are due, parent/teacher conferences, submission deadlines for festivals, auditions for honor's orchestra, picking Christmas music, etc...) but it is so close.  I am in desperate need of some fall breakage, and soon.  Me and my pup and some apple cider and my slippers a blanket and the TV remote and some Grey's Anatomy DVD's and my cell phone with some Facebook and my US Weekly and my Kindle and my iPod with Jim Dale reading me Harry Potter... I'm a multitasker, even when I vacation, what can I say?  I don't want to have to move! 

Oh, and I've lost 20 pounds.  I guess stress is good for something...?  Just kidding, I've been trying hard for that.